June 7, 2025. My day #21819.
A quiet morning.
A good cup of coffee.
Saturday. A work day.
The morning sky is clear, and the sun is rising. We got rain last night. Steam and fog rise from the wet pavement and disappear a few feet off the ground.
The air is humid.
This day, and all of our days...are numbered.
Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days so that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 39:4 Show me Lord, my life's end, and the number of my days; Let me know how fleeting my life is.
There is tug of war in my mind.
image credit - Shutterstock
On one hand, the beautiful sunrise. Quiet mornings give us birds, a cool breeze, nature. Even in silence, the Earth has her wake up sounds.
Then, as the verses above remind us, we are finite, temporary.
The calm and peace around me is in a fight with the human desire to just...know things. Connectedness and unlimited information means our minds never get a break.
What will today bring. Joy? Sorrow? Bordom? Pain? Satisfaction? Assurance? Peace of mind?
Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well.
Still, in this "wonderful" our human nature wants control. We plan, measure, and quantify. Repeat. Is this so bad? Does it make us a better human?
Maybe it makes us a more efficient human. Living each day trying to make the most of the time we have. Making our lives, and the lives of those around us, a little better.
As retirement gets closer, there is a sense of urgency to know...how things are going. How things might turn out.
The struggle pushes me to analyze. Calculate. Adjust. Predict. In business this is a "Pro-forma."
A well done pro-forma allows you to project, with some confidence, an outcome, with changing input variables.
Today is #21819 for me.
There are some numbers that I track. Probably once a week. Sometimes once a month. Then make adjustments from there.
I plug in today's date, fresh numbers, and analyze again.
Age 59.74 years or 21819 days
Time until retirement 5.3 years @65
Retirement fund details today, YTD, 1 year, 5 year
Another story will go deeper into the spreadsheets, and numbers. I'll put a link here.
Numbers can be mind numbing, suggesting a black and white conclusion from dozens of variables. This can create feelings of accomplishment, complacency, or necessity.
Sometimes, good or bad, it's too much. You think, "What did I miss?" Then check the numbers and calculate again...and again.
It's a bad game of Tug Of War.
Time to turn off the computer. Keep the phone put away.
The morning fog has lifted. The second cup of coffee, better than the first.
It's a blessing to be still and appreciate the morning sun. And know full well that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.