( Written just like I heard it )
If you count the number of fogs in August, that's how many big snows you are gonna have that winter.
If a duck walks in the mud at Thanksgiving, he'll walk in the snow and ice at Christmas.
Life is too short to be in a hurry.
RoHo the Rooster
RoHo was a mindin his own business in the chicken coop with the hens when the hawk come and picked him up. Feathers flew all over the place as they fought out in the field. Well, when the fightin' finally stopped, the hawk picked ole RoHo up and brought him back to the chicken coop.
RoHo not only whooped the hawk, he made him put him back in the pen.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Did you hear they crossed a Wood Pecker and a Carrier Pigeon? It don't just deliver to your house, it knocks on your front door.
I don't care how good ya are, ya can't make a rooster lay an egg.
Rain...
To make it rain, why, when we was a pickin cotton, we would find a cricket, and dig a hole, and bury it on its back.
Another surefire way to make it rain, is to take a dead snake, and lay it belly up on a fence.
If it rains on the 1st, it'll rain 15 days fore the end a the month.
If the sun is shining and it is raining, it will do the same thing tomorrow.
If there's a thunder storm a comin, take a double edged ax and bury it in the ground. That storm will go around it.
People used to know if it was gonna rain or not by looking at their chimney. If the smoke went straight up, it was not gonna rain. But if the smoke came down and stayed on the ground, the rain was coming.
There was a feller that used to make moonshine and he was a cotton farmer. He'd get to drankin, till he couldn't hardly stand up. Then he'd go out there and plant cotton with an old A Model John Deere tractor. When he got to the end of the row he'd holler real loud, Woooo! Then he'd holler Gee (right) , or Haw (left) , depending on which way he was a turnin. His neighbors could hear him all over the valley. You know, he had the straightest rows of anybody you ever saw.
Them revenuers brought a bunch of them track stars from the college out to run down people when they found a still. First time they took off through the woods, up and over rocks, and everything, Why, they didn't catch a single moon shiner. Them boys was used to runnin' straight ahead, and they couldn't jump over them rocks and thangs.
Things old timers say about January 1st...
Don't throw nothin' out on New Year's Day.
Don't warsh clothes on New Year's Day.
Eat some Hog Jawl, black eyed peas, and some greens.
Take a quarter outside on New Year's Eve and hide it under a rock. On New Year's Day go back out and get it. Do this and you will have enough money for the year.
Chevy vs. Ford
A Chevrolet will beat a Ford in short distances. That's because a Chevrolet V8 engine is better at lower speeds. You see, the Ford has longer rods in the motor. That Chevrolet will get wound up fast, and gets as tight as it will go, then Ford will go right on by. That's why you see all those Chevrolet's at the dirt track. They don't hardly ever get up to full speed.
Dark of the Moon
Not so smart...
Boy, when they was a handing out brains, you heard em say rain, and you ran for cover.
What they say about a person you can really trust...
If he tells you its time to pick cotton...go get yer sack.
You know what my grandaddy used to say about a man that whistles all the time? You cain't trust him fer as you can throw a stick.